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"Here they are, home from school," said the soft voice on TV. "Uh-oh, look at those shirts. How is mom ever going to get them white again?"

The message was clear. Buy our soap powder, Mrs. America, and you will be a good mother. The next advertisements were not very different. "Buy our frozen food," they said, "or our floor polish, or our perfume. You will be a good cook, a good homemaker, and your husband will always love you."

Fifty years ago, Americans had a clear picture of how they thought a woman should be. The perfect woman was the happy, bright homemaker in one of the new middle-class suburbs. She had a washing machine and a vacuum cleaner to make her work easy. She had plenty of time to make her home beautiful, cook delicious meals for her husband and children, and be everyones friend and adviser.

This advertisers dream of America still exists on TV, but it is far from the real truth. For one thing, one in ten women chooses not to marry at all. And fewer and fewer families now look like the advertisers picture of a mother, a father, and two children. By 1980, one in every five families in the U.S. had only one parent, and the number of "single-par­ent families" continues to rise. Women on their own cannot afford to stay at home. They search for work in order to feed their families.

At the same time, the married woman in her beautiful suburban house has begun to feel bored. She is tired of staying at home all day to cook, clean and sew. Many women go out and work outside the home. Finding jobs may help women in some ways, but women still earn much less than men. For every dollar a man can earn, a woman earns sixty cents. And going out to work does not make housework any easier. Women must still cook and clean after a hard day in the office or the factory. Although some Ameri­can husbands are happy to help, most working women do more than twice as much housework as men.

Changes in the family pattern with women working are not easily accepted by men. On the one hand, many men now believe in equality of sexes, but on the other, most also believe that children may suffer if their mothers work outside home.

What do you do when you are a woman with two young children? You spend a lot of time and energy looking after them. What do you do when you are also divorced and have no money? You earn enough money to feed and clothe the children. What happens if you are also only twenty-four years old, and have hopes and dreams for a better life in the fu­ture? You look after the children, go out to work, and go to college, all at the same time. That is Nancy Wesleys way of life.

Nancy gets up at 6:00 every morning, dresses her four-year-old Matthew, and two-year-old Anna, and cooks their breakfast. At 8:00 she takes them to the baby-sitter, who has two children of her own. Then she goes to school, and takes classes from 8:30 un­til 2:30. At 3:00 she picks up the children, and spends time with them at home. Two hours later, at 5:00, its time to go to the Wall-mart store where she works in the sports depart­ment, selling hunting equipment such as guns and fishing rods. Shes home around 10:00, and then she tries to study. On weekends1 Nancys ex-husband takes the children, and she works all day on Saturday and Sunday in the store. Shes always tired.

There is one thing that keeps Nancy going. Shes determined to get her graduate de­gree, however difficult it is.

"The best thing in my life is the goal of my future, and working for that," she says. The other important thing is the children.

"They are super, super intelligent," Nancy says proudly. "Its been tough for them. I feel bad about it. I know I get impatient with them sometimes. Sure, I have regrets about it. I dont want them to do what I did. I want them to graduate and get a good home before they have kids."

Nancy is going to graduate next year, and then, she hopes, shell get a better job, and have more time for the children. Maybe shell have time to do some of the things that she did before, like playing tennis, or ice skating. She used to love sports, but she just doesnt have the energy any more.

And who knows? Some day she might even get married again. Her first marriage lasted only two years, and when it ended she was left to pick up the pieces. Next time shell know better.

"Women have got to know how to look after themselves," she says. "Weve got to learn to be more independent."

Nancy has learned the hard way.

1. How much does a woman make for each dollar a man makes?

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